


I Think I Understand Now

by NatalisDomain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 13:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalisDomain/pseuds/NatalisDomain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school was well, high school. Castiel Novak just got by. That is, until Dean Winchester walked in it and never left. Not that he's complaining.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

High school is supposed to be the greatest time of your life, they said. You'll love it, they said. It will be your best experience, they said. Castiel Novak didn't agree one damn bit. He is a senior now and dreaded every day in this hell hole. He has only had one friend growing up, Anna Milton, everyone else either ignores him, or picks on him. But not her. She's stuck with him since first grade ever since she moved in next door to him. Thank god. She always found a way to fix things or make them better than what they were.

Like that fact that he's been in love with Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester, Arlington High schools very own football quarter back. He has been ever since Raphael, the linebacker on the team, knocked all his books down the stairs freshman year and Dean was the only one who stopped and helped him. Castiel doesn't even think they've said more than two words to each other since, but for some reason he could never get over it. He could never get over him.

Finally, the bell rang and it was the end of the period. For some reason, Pre Calc always seemed to drag on the longest out of all the other classes. Castiel stuffed his books into his book bag and slung it over his shoulder as he headed out the door to meet up with Anna. After this class, they always walked over to Castiel's locker and then go to lunch. Just as he was about to turn, he heard a snarky laugh. One that he knew all too well. Before Castiel could maneuver out the way, Raphael grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and had him pinned against the lockers.

"Hey there, Cassie. Been a while since I talked to you, huh?"

Castiel kept his eyes fixated on the ground as he grumbled "Castiel. My name is Castiel."

"Yeah, I know. But Cassie suits you much nicer."

"Hey, asshole" Anna yelled out as she ran down the hallway as soon as she saw what was going on "let him go! He hasn't done anything to you, jerk!"

Raphael never broke his glare from Castiel. He didn't make any attempt to look back at him, but he could still feel the heat of his stare pouring into him. "Got your girlfriend fighting your battles, Cassie? That's pretty pathetic, even for you."

"She's not my girlfriend. C'mon, let go of me Raphael. I haven't done anything to you, just like I didn't any of the other times. Don't you ever get tired of fighting someone who never fights back?"

Surprisingly, he let go of his grip on his shirt. Castiel was expecting more of a tussle on his part, when suddenly he looked up and saw dean shove Raphael.

"Raph, quit being a dick! Leave the guy alone, he ain't hurtin' no one."

Castiel stared blankly at what was going on between Raphael and Dean. Every so often he would sneak a peek over to Anna and saw she had the same look on her face. Okay, good. He wasn't the only one who thought this whole thing was fucking weird. "Watch it, Winchester."

"You got a problem, then take it out of the field tonight. As for now, you can fucking leave, Raph." Raphael muttered a few curse words under his breath as he walked off into the other direction and caught up with a few of his friends down the hall. Dean shifted his attention back to Castiel and gave him a friendly smile "sorry about that. The guy can be a real ass sometimes."

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck to try and distract himself from blushing. He was standing really close to Dean and he couldn't help but smell the faint cinnamon that lingered on his skin "thanks for that, but you didn't have to jump in."

Dean chuckled and gave him a quick pat on the back "don't worry about it, man. Someone's gotta put him in his place sometime. He just better use the built up aggression of his for tonight."

Castiel tilted his head to the side while he slightly scrunched up his eyebrows, he had no idea what Dean was talking about and wasn't sure why he assumed he did. Dean chuckled again; his confusion must have been pretty obvious. "Tonight? For the game. You are going to the game, right?"

Heat flushed to Castiel's cheeks as embarrassment set in. The game, the damn game that everyone always talks about around here. Great. This is the impression of himself that he is gonna leave with Dean. Pathetic and an idiot. Let's see if he can add any more to the list "oh yeah, right. I'm not sure; I normally don't go to any school games."

"C'mon. It's a home game and it's a Friday night. You should really come if you don't have anything to do. Show some school spirit!"

Castiel focused back on the ground, he really couldn't handle being this close to Dean and talking to him without his stomach feeling like a roller coaster. He needs to leave before be manages to make this worst "sure then, I'll think about it."

"Great! See ya then, later!" Dean jogged down the hallway to catch up with his friend, Benny. Castiel looked over to Anna when he lost his face in the crowd.

"What. Was. That."

"I wish I fucking knew. " they walked over to Castiel's locker as he swapped his books for different ones and his lunch bag and headed over to the cafeteria "I'm still not even sure what just happened. Did any of that really just happen?!"

They sat in the first open seats they could find as they pulled out their food. Castiel isn't even in the mood to eat right now, he's so confused.

"You know what this means, don't you?"

"No" Castiel said as he placed his elbow on the table and leaned against his hand "I don't."

"You can be so dumb sometimes."

"Please tell me how you really feel, Anna" he shot back as he rolled his eyes.

"It means you're going to the game tonight. Correction, we are."

"Can't, I'm busy."

"Busy my ass. I'm sure it won't kill you if you pass up this one opportunity to start working on next month's homework, Castiel."

"Shut up."

"Seriously, let's go! I know you hate football, but think of it this way. What better way to spend a Friday night than staring at hot football players asses. Or better yet, a hot football player's ass who just so happens to belong to Dean Winchester. You have been in love with the guy for years; I'm surprised you haven't thought about checking him out at his games sooner to be quiet honest."

"Fine, I'll go. But only because you want to so bad."

"You sure it has nothing to do with you wanting an excuse to check Dean's ass out now?"

Anna smirked as Castiel squirmed in his seat a bit and began to blush. He took a bite of his sandwich as he mumbled out "shut up."

~~~~  
"Really, Castiel? Really."

"What" Castiel asked as he looked around confused as they took a seat on the bleachers. There were a decent amount of people, but Castiel always assumed more would show up to these games. They sure do talk about them enough.

"You're dressed in that plaid shirt? I told you, it just makes you look more like a nerd. You are not going to catch Dean's attention looking like that."

"Shhhhh, can you be any louder, Anna? I'm not sure the whole school heard you yet" he looked around to make sure no one happened to ease drop. Luckily there was no one in ear shot to hear. He glared back over to Anna, "And I happen to like this shirt, thank you very much. It's comfy." She muffled something under her breath, and then paid attention on the game.

Castiel screamed when the crowd screamed, and cheered when the crowd cheered. He didn't know much of the technical aspect of the game, but he didn't have to, to know Arlington Knight's played a damn good game. They won 21 to 7. He wanted to congratulate Dean on his good play on tonight, so he and Anna made their way over to the player's bench on the corner of the field.

Dean was the only one on the field. He was sitting on the bench, slouched over, head in his hands. Castiel cautiously stepped closer until he was less than a foot away, Anna not too far behind him. He's no expert in this sport, but shouldn't you be excited after a big win? "Dean? Hey, I ahhh- I just wanted to say good game. You did great."

Dean pulled his head up and gave him a strained, halfhearted smile "Thanks, Cas. It is Cas, right?" Casitel smiled and nodded in agreement. Dean cocked his head just enough to see Anna, then gave Castiel back his attention, "your girl enjoy the game to?"

"Wh-what?! No, she's not- we're not together."

"I'm not his type", Anna chimed. Castiel shot her a nasty while she shrugged her shoulders and gave him a cheap smile. "I'll wait in the car. Meet you there, Castiel." He watched her walk off until he saw her get in the car before looking back over at Dean.

"I could be wrong" he started as he sat down next to him on the bench, "but I would assume the football quarter back would be happier than this after a big win. Is something wrong? If you don't mind me asking that is."

Dean stared straight at the ground while he tapped his foot. He took a few deep breaths before speaking up again. "I'm about to fail Chemistry. My coach just told me if I fail my test next week, I fail the class. If fail that class then I lose my only scholarship. I can't lose that scholarship, Cas. I need to go to school. I need to."

Without skipping a beat, Castiel spit out "I'll tutor you. It's my favorite class and I'm doing pretty well in it anyway."

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad and offer help by telling you, Cas. You don't have to, I appreciate the offer though."

"No seriously, I mean it. I'm offering as a friend, not out of pity or anything."

"You'd really do this for me?" Castiel nodded and gave him a soft smile "you're awesome! You really are. Hey, gimmie your phone" Castiel dug into his front pocket and handed it over and Dean quickly punched in a few numbers and handed it back to him. "There, now you have my number. And I texted me off it so I could have your number. Thanks, I owe you one. Can you maybe swing by my place tomorrow? I want to get started as soon as I can."

"Yeah sure thing. And you don't owe me anything."

"Tomorrow at two sound okay?"

"Yep. Tomorrow at two."


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel walked up the driveway with his chemistry notebook and text book clutched against his waist with his arm. He paused for a moment to check out the beauty in the driveway that caught his eye. '67 Impala' he thought, 'bet that's Dean's. Man he definitely has got some style.' That car looked spotless inside and out as he peered in through the windows. Not surprising though. Dean has always been the type to keep up a nice appearance. He's always taken pride in his looks, something Castiel always admired about him.

Castiel finally reached the door as fumbled around for a minute. He straightened his shirt and combed his hands through his hair really quick before pushing the doorbell.

"Come in, the doors unlocked!" He heard Dean shout from somewhere. Slowly, he opened the door and stepped inside. The place reeked of alcohol, with an old musk smell blended in to it. He ventured further into the house to find stacks of book every, a few bottles of vodka hanging around, and a couple of shot guns scattered about. But for some reason, the place still felt welcoming and warm.

Castiel dropped his books off on the desk with two chairs. He had assumed they were going to study and practice over there. Just before he called out his name, Dean popped his head in with his big goofy grin. He was carrying two sodas in his hands as he offered one over to Castiel. Castiel accepted and said thank you.

"Hey, Cas! Thanks again for helpin' me out with this."

"Don't mention it. It really is no problem, Dean. I'm more than happy to help." He popped open his can and took a sip. "Hey, is that your Impala out there? She's a beauty."

"Yeah, technically it is. She used to be my dad's."

"Did he give it to you? Talk about great first car, I'm jealous." Dean stuffed his hands into his back pockets and dropped his smile, his whole demeanor shifted. Shit. He has been here for not even five minutes and he already seems like he messed up.

"He died a few years back. He went on a hunting trip and it went south. Guess something got to him before he got to it. So the cars mine now, since it wasn't like Sammy was old enough to drive anyway."

"I'm so sorry Dean... shit I'm sorry for saying anything. But I only see one car in the drive way, do you and your mom both use it then?"

"Nahh" Dean slightly clenched and flexed his jaw, "my mom died when I was four. Our house burned down, they said some fuse caught one fire or some shit like that. Me and Sammy live here with Bobby now, he was a good friend of my dad's. He's like our second father. He is the only family we got now."

Castiel wanted to punch himself in the face. He's surprised Dean hasn't done it himself yet. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, not one word came out. What do you say to that? 'I'm sorry' is just too empty and meaningless. Not to mention how many times he must have heard that before. Dean reached out to Castiel and squeezed his shoulder "Cas, it's alright. I'm fine, really. You didn't know and I've... Come to terms with it. I mean, yeah, some days are better than others, but I'm okay. So stop looking at me like a lost puppy. That's-" he slightly tightened his grip on Castiel's shoulder, "that's why I need to keep this scholarship and go to college. I need a good education so I can get a good job and help Bobby with Sammy. I ain't gonna let him do it with Sammy alone, he's done too much for us already. Sammy's a smart kid, so maybe he will get his own scholarship when it's his time in a few years, but I gotta help with everything in between. I can't leave them behind with nothin', you know?"

"I do. And I have a lot of respect for you for doing what you're doing. Not many people can do what you're doing right now, but Dean. You're so young to be worrying about this and having to carry that weight on your shoulders, I'm sorry. That's not fair to you." Dean shrugged his shoulders and focused out the window. When he didn't add anything else to the conversation, Castiel continued "so, what school did you get the scholarship for? If you don't mind me asking that is."

"Kansas State University. It's a fucking great school and I count my blessings that my football skills are better than my grades. Or else I'd never make it into a school. Gotta full ride too."

"Holy shit" Castiel couldn't help but smile at Dean. Part of him wanted to start fisting pumping in the air, and the other part of him is glad he restrained himself enough to not do it. "I got accepted to that school, and it was my top choice. That's where I'm going. Damn, what are the odds?" Yes, finally something seems to be looking up.

"Seriously? Awesome! Now I have at least one person I know. None of my other friends are going. Best part is that it's pretty close by, so it's not like we gotta dorm there or anything either" Thank God, Castiel thought. He wasn't sure if he was ready to leave his home just yet anyway. Although the chance of dorming with Dean didn't sound bad at all. "You make sure I pass chemistry, and then we celebrate going to college with a familiar face! Sounds like a good plan to me, what do you say?"

"I say that's a great plan, Dean."

After about an hour or so of studying, Dean closed his textbook and leaned back against his chair and folded his arms behind his head. "Where the hell were you this entire year?! You managed to teach me in one hour, what Mr. Murphy couldn't in this half year we've been in school. You should be a teacher, Cas. You'd be a hell of a good one."

"That's all you, Dean. You just needed to focus a little more is all. You are going to ace that test no problem this week. And actually, I am going to study to be a teacher. I'm just not entirely sure for what subject yet."

"You should major in chemistry, I'm not even kidding. Your students will love you. I know I do after you just saved my ass and my scholarship. I really do owe you one, Cas."

"Don't mention it, that's what-" Castiel hesitated for a split second, "friends are for." He still was not entirely sure what terms they were on, but he seemed to have guessed right because Dean nodded and patted his back in agreement. The corner of Castiel's lip curled into a small smile.

He extended his arm to grab his can of soda on the desk when he accidentally knocked the entire thing over. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Dean. I'll clean it up, shit I'm sorry." But they both bent over at the same time and lightly head butted each other on the way down. They both laughed and slightly looked up at the other, only an inch separated them. Castiel's eyes flickered back and forth from Dean's eyes to his lips. Without even thinking, Castiel leaned in and kissed him.

Dean's lips were surprisingly so soft. The kiss was better than he had ever dreamed it would be, but then, Castiel stopped to think. Dean isn't kissing back. He pulled back and tried to search Dean's eyes, but Dean wouldn't look at him. He stared right at the ground, and Castiel couldn't read his face.

Castiel fumbled out of the chair and quickly grabbed all of his things "I should go. I need to go." He stopped for a second to see if Dean would tell him "no" or "wait", hoping he would at least say his name, but he never did.

Castiel always finds a way to screw up the few things he ever has going for him, and this time, he screwed up big. He stormed out the house and hopped into his car and drove off, he didn't look back.


	3. Chapter 3

"Castiel, are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Then say somethinng. Please, I'm really worried about you."

"What do you want me to say, Anna? That I'm a fucking jackass? That I ruined my one chance with Dean, even if it just meant being friends?" Tomorrow is Monday, which means he has to go to school. Which means at some point he is going to have to see Dean, and that terrifies him. Castiel hasn't heard a word from him since the kiss. What's Dean going to do, what will he say? No, Dean won't humiliate him in front of everyone or even just between them. He's not the kind of guy. Worst, he won't say anything at all. And that just eats away at Castiel's guilt even more.

"Shit happens, and I'm sorry. I really am, Castiel. But you can't just lock yourself in your room forever and you know that."

"I do go out my room, just when I need essentials. Like to get food or to go pee."

"You know what I mean smartass" he can practically feel Anna roll her eyes from over the phone. She's right, and he knows that. But that doesn't change the fact that he did what he did. And nothing is going to fix that. "Tomorrow you are going to get your ass up bright and early and you're going to drive us to school. Like every morning. And we are going to go about the day like we always do. If he doesn't mention it, you don't either. Okay?"

He was too tired to fight back and if you get Anna going, she could argue forever. So he just agreed. "And Cas- Cas? I like the sound of that. I'm surprised I never thought of calling you that sooner, all these years wasted. Anyway, it's his loss. And I know it's a cliché thing to say, but it's true. If you weren't gay I would have hopped on that train way back when."

"GOOD NIGHT, ANNA."

"Seriously, Cas!"

"GOOD NIGHT." Castiel clicked the "end" button and threw his cell phone at the edge of the bed. That girl could be such a handful if she really wanted to be.

He flipped over to his side and read the time on the alarm clock, "11:30 pm". Crap, he has to be up by six and he is nowhere near tired. He keeps torturing himself by recapping the entire day with, Dean. All the things that went right and all the things he did wrong. He grabbed a pillow and stuffed his face with it.

'Turn off brain, turn off! Just go to sleep, I don't need this right now.'

Granted, the day has dragged on and may have been the longest day Castiel has ever experienced, but it wasn't bad. It could have gone a lot worst, everything and everyone seems to be normal. Castiel started to finally relax until he heard a familiar voice call his name from the hallway behind him.

"Cassie, there you are!"

Fucking Raphael. Castiel stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face him. But he was closer than he thought, so in a matter of seconds Raphael knocked his books to the ground and shoved him up against the lockers. Castiel shoved him back "hey asshat, the name is Castiel. Get it right or get out my fucking face every damn day! I'm tired of your shit."

Raphael inched his way to Castiel until he was so close, Castiel could feel his breath on his face. But Castiel didn't look away, he didn't even flinch. "Looks like someone grew a pair over the weekend." He leaned in to Castiel's ear and whispered "if I were you, I'd watch how you'd address me. Touch me again and I promise you, I'll make you regret it."

He pulled away and looked back from Castiel to his friends and laughed as the others followed along. "Punk ass kid, I knew it. See you around, Cassie." That's it. That was it. As Raphael turned around to leave, Castiel yanked on his shoulder and punched him right in the nose. Blood was quickly spewing everywhere. Raphael threw a few punches himself, but Castiel easily maneuvered out of the way for each one. Finally, Castiel gave him one last hit again to the nose, knocking him back into his friends.

Raphael stood there dumbstruck while cupping his nose to try and prevent it from bleeding out anymore. "Just because I didn't fight you back before, never meant Icouldn't. I hate fighting, but I'll be damned if I will ever let you use me as your personal punching bag again, Raphael. If you ever try and disrespect me again, I won't hold back. I promise you."

Raphael stood there and stared at Castiel for another long, solid minute before he and his friends finally walked away. Those who had been standing around and watching slowly left as well.

After a few more seconds, the hallway was empty. So Castiel bent over to pick up the rest of his books that scattered across the floor. All of a sudden, he heard someone clapping behind him. He assumed it was, Anna. She always had the worst timing when it came to her sense of humor. Except it wasn't. It was Dean.

"Saw the whole thing. I was about to jump in, but then you handled yourself pretty damn well. Gotta say, I'm kinda surprised you had that in you. Never would have expected that from you of all people."

Castiel cautiously stood up with his books in his hands. He quickly scanned over Dean while he squints his eyes. That's the first thing he was going to say to, Castiel? Really? What's his game? "Yeah well, I've always known how to fight. Just never really like to unless I had no other choice. I have two older brothers, Lucifer and Gabriel, who both knew a thing or two. So it was either learn fast or I was screwed, ya know?"

Dean curled his lip to a half smile as he chuckled, "yeah I do. I'm the same way with Sammy. Gotta be the one to teach them or else someone'll try and do it for you. And the second one never ends well. But ah, hey-" he pulls out a folded up sheet from his back pocket and handed it over to Castiel. "Got a 75 on my test. I know it's not all that great, but I ain't complaining. I didn't fail. I just... I just wanted to say thanks for you know, helping me out."

"Oh, it's nothing really. Congrats, you earned it, Dean."

"That's actually not all I wanted to talk to you about." Castiel averted his eyes to the ground and stuffed his free hand into it front pocket. He figured this would come up eventually.

"Dean, I-"

"Shut up, just... Please. Shut up. I don't want to talk about it here so I was gonna ask if you were busy today. Maybe after school you could swing by my place. But we do need to talk about this, Cas."

"Okay. I'll meet you there at around 3. Is that alright?"

"Yeah that's fine."

Dean began walking off in the other direction but Castiel quickly grabbed his wrist. Dean glanced from his wrist to Castiel, he felt the warmth rush flood to his cheeks as he retracted his hand back. "Dean, I'm really-"

He turned around and started to walk off again, he waved his hand to dismiss Castiel before he could finish "see you at 3."

Castiel straightened his shirt and ruffled his hair before he knocked on the door. "Dean, hey I'm - SHIT."

An old man was the one to greet him, with a rifle in his hand. He shouldn't scare the crap out of Castiel as much as he does. He's wearing a baseball cap, loose t-shirt and some faded pants. He looks like he hasn't shaved in weeks. A hand lowers the rifle and out pops Sam's head. "Bobby, we have talked about this. You can't keep greeting people by the door like this. Believe it or not, it scares the crap out of them."

"Safety first ya idjit."

"I get that, but you could at least not point it when you do open it. ANYWAY," he finally looks over at Castiel and gives him a small wave. "Hi, in Sam. And I see you've already met Bobby."

Bobby gave a little huff and what seems like a crack of a smile as he put the rifle behind the door. "Sorry we can't stay and chat that long, but Bobby and I have to go grab something at the mall for... Someone."

"For Christ sake boy, you can say her name. It ain't gonna kill ya. How do you plan on askin' her out if you're too embarrassed to even say her name?"

Sam shrugs his shoulders as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well like I said, we gotta go. If you're here for Dean, he's inside. It's Cas, right? You helped Dean with his Chemistry?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Well, nice to officially meet you, Cas."

What was all of that about? Did Dean tell Sam and Bobby? What is he getting himself into? He entered the house and the familiar smells of alcohol and musk filled his lungs, and for some reason, relaxing.

He was about to call out to Dean until he saw him sitting in the same room they were studying in the last time. His stomach tied in a knot as everything that happened started rushing in, all at once. Dean looked up and gave him a small strained smile. "Hey."

"Hey." Castiel took a seat by the desk as he folded his hands onto his lap.

"There's no point in beating around the bush so I guess I'll just jump right into it."

"Okay, makes sense. Look Dean I am so-"

Dean nodded his head and waved his hands to get him to stop. "No, let me go first. Let me say what I need to say first, Cas. Not a word until I'm done."

"Okay."

"I'm the quarter back of the football team and let's be honest, probably the most popular guy in school. I've slept around and kind of had a real thing with Lisa. But it was more of a friend with benefits thing than anything I guess you can say."

Castiel bit his bit lip as he clenched his hand into a fist, he wouldn't look at him. "Why are you telling me this? I feel bad enough..."

"Cas, I just said not even five minutes ago to no interrupt."

"Sorry."

"Like I was saying, I've had that. And- well-" Dean's leg was shaking and now it was his turn to look away to the floor. "Point is I've never had a kiss like that. I always thought a kiss was a kiss, ya know? I... felt something, Cas. And it was a nice something."

Castiel's head shoot right up. Did Dean really just say that? Did Dean freaken Winchester just tell him that? He didn't know what to expect when he came over today, but it sure as hell wasn't that. "But I thought you were..."

"I've always been curious, but I never had it in me to try with another guy. But there was never another guy worth trying it with, so I just dropped it. But, Cas. I was... I had to ask you something."

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Well, two things. First is, do you play for both teams, or just that one?"

"Just that one. Why?"

"Because I have always seen you with that chick, Anna and assumed you two were a thing."

"No, not even close. She's my best friend."

"Good, okay that's good." Dean let out his breath that Castiel didn't even notice he was holding in. Was he... jealous of, Anna?

"What's the other question?"

"Right, the second one. Would it ahhh... Would it be alright if... if I kissed you."

"You want to kiss me?"

"If that's okay."

Castiel couldn't form any words. He still wasn't even sure if this was a dream or not. All he could do was nod 'yes' . Dean slowly inched closer to Castiel, and only stopped before their lips touched. He looked at Castiel one more time, "you sure, Cas? You can still say no and I won't be mad. I promise."

"Just kiss me already." As soon as his words left his mouth, Deans lips was on his. Castiel always imagined kissing Dean would be rough, and quick. But it had been the most sweet, tender and slow kiss he's ever had.

It didn't take long for Castiel to get into the kiss too, until Dean finally pulled back. "Cas, that was perfect."

"You don't have to say that, Dean. You won't hurt my feelings."

Dean's hands found their way onto Castiel's knees, intertwining their hands together. "Cas, I'm serious. I never knew a kiss could be like that. Cas, I hate to ask another question but..."

"What is it, Dean?"

"Can I keep you?"


	4. Chapter 4

"What?"

"Can. I. Keep. You. You're adorable and tiny, it's like I can keep you in my pocket forever."

Castiel rolled his eyes as Dean shot him a cheeky grin, but he couldn't help but crack a smile himself, "hey, I'm not tiny! I'm six feet tall, taller than the average height for guys! It's not my fault that you're a sky scrapper."

"I notice you didn't disagree about the adorable part though" he answered back with a wink. No stop doing that, Castiel thought. He can already feel the attachments building up, and he can't let that happen. He is already at a downfall because he's been in love with Dean for years, and it wasn't easier to hide it before. But now Dean may or may not have small feelings for him, so if he wanted, he could easily walk off and Castiel would be the only one hurt. That can't happen.

Castiel pushed all the negative thoughts away, he will think about it all later. He just wanted to enjoy what he has, and right now, it's Dean. "Of course not, because that part is true. I'd be lying if I tried to deny that one."

Dean's laugh was so thick and rich, probably Castiel's favorite quality about him. It was the most happiest and relaxing thing he's ever heard. They both remained in silence for a little longer, savoring the moment. Until Castiel's thoughts got the better of him, he scrunched up his face and tilted his head "Dean, can I ask you a question now?"

Dean leaned forward and placed his hand on his knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "yeah, of course. What's up, Cas? Everything okay?"

Castiel focused on Dean's hand. It was easier to look at that, then at him when he asked. "What does this make us" he gestured to the both of them with his hands. "Am I just a 'friend with benefits' or-"

Immediately Castiel missed the warmth of Dean's hands when he yanked it back. "Is that what kind of guy you think I am, Cas? You think I'm just going to use you until I find someone else? You think I'm actually going to be keeping my eye out for someone else?"

Castiel reached out to grab for Dean's hand, but Dean stood up from his chair and took a step back. Panic quickly began bubbling up in Castiel's stomach. He never meant to upset him, he just needed to know. "Dean, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you or hurt you, I swear. I just wanted to know where we stand so I didn't interpret what we have wrong. But I shouldn't have asked and I'm sorry!"

After a minute, Dean slowly unclenched his jaw and began to calm down. "Look, Cas, I need you to understand something. Yes, I've slept around a bit. Yes, I've had a few flings. But never once did I have them with more than one person at a time. And honestly, I've never felt anything for any of them. It's different with you. So whatever we have right now, I'll only have it with you. I have no intentions of leaving this or you. Nowhere near close, okay?"

But you will Castiel thought, they always do. "Okay, Dean."

Dean pulled Castiel in close and gave him a hug as he murmured "I'm sorry too, I didn't need to get that mad. I just... I get that assumption a lot." They parted and Dean gave him a soft smile, Castiel returning it back. "I know what you're asking for though, Cas."

Castiel stared at his feet on the ground, his face increasingly getting hotter "I just-"

"I'm not saying no" Dean cut in, "I'm just saying I want to test the waters a little more before giving us that big of a name."

"Won't you get a lot of shit from people at school, even the football team, if they find out? I don't want to ruin your reputation or anything like that, Dean. People can be cruel."

"Like I give a shit about reputation. If I lose people, that means they weren't friends for me anyway. I don't care what people think. And if we go down that road, then that's great. I'm not embarrassed of you, Cas. And I never will be" dean lifted Castiel's chin up with his finger so Caatiel would look him in the eye, "okay?"

Before Castiel could answer back, Dean kissed him again. He could feel the corners of Dean's lips grinning. "We'll it's kind of hard to say anything other than okay now, thanks a lot Dean."

Dean was about to lean in again before they heard the door unlock and saw Sam storm in. Bobby fairly annoyed and not far behind him. Castiel fumbled a bit at the sudden intrusion, he wasn't sure if Dean's family knew and didn't want to be the one to blow his cover. Dean just crossed his arms and laughed. "Sorry to interrupt you and your boyfriend" Bobby announced, "but your idjit of a brother is having a panic attacked and I couldn't take it anymore. Dean, deal with it. Castiel, hi."

"First off, he's not my boyfriend bobby, not yet" Dean looked over and gave Castiel a quick wink which made Castiel squirm around a bit, "second, where did he go? Sammy, get your ass down here!"

Footsteps thundered down from the stairs as Sam met them in the living room and started pacing the room. "Dean, how do you get a girl to like you? Especially after you may or may not have screwed up with her" Sam glanced over at Castiel and gave him a quick wave "hey, Cas." Castiel smiled and returned the gesture.

"Sammy, is this about that Jessica chick" Dean asked. Sam nodded as he continued to pace the room. "Alright well you need to sit and calm down before I help you. Go on, sit."

Sam threw himself on the couch and buried his face into a pillow. "Now tell Dr. Dean what happened."

"Shut up, this isn't funny" Sam muffled into the pillow, "so would you stop being a jerk for two seconds and give me some advice."

"Quit being a bitch and then I can."

Sam rolled over to his side and gave Dean the biggest bitch face Castiel has ever seen, makes sense why that is his nick name now. "Her birthday is this Friday, so I wanted to surprise her with this necklace and then ask her out on a date. But then I bumped into her as I was paying for it and she came up to me and asked who I was shopping for. So naturally, my instinct was to say 'for my girlfriend'. So now I am completely screwed and messed up my chances with her."

"Sammy, relax. You still got the necklace?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, so you're gonna ask her to stay after school with you. Find somewhere where it's just you two. Tell her to close her eyes and when she does, put the necklace around her neck. Then say 'I wasn't entirely honest about the girlfriend part, because I hadn't asked her yet. So Jess, will you be my girlfriend? Or at least, let me take you on a date.' And then boom, you got her. Just make sure you give her the puppy dog look, no one can resist yours."

Sam straightened himself up on the couch and ran his hands through his wavy hair "do you think that will work?"

"Of course it will, look at who you're asking! I'm gonna go in the kitchen and see if Bobby is gonna make dinner or if he wants me to go grab something really quick."

Dean exited the room and left Castiel and Sam alone. Castiel sat across from Sam and gave him a shy smile. "So you really like this Jess, don't you?"

"I'm pretty sure I love her."

"Love is a strong word, Sam."

"That's why I said it. I just... I don't know. I can't explain it. She's perfect. "

"I wish you all the best then, Sam. You got to point her out to me one day in school."

"I will, I promise. Hey, Cas. Can I ask you something?"

Shit, what's with these Winchesters and their questions? Wonder if Bobby is the same way, "of course. What's up?"

"Do you love my brother?"

Castiel almost fell out of his chair, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't that. "What?!"

"I was just wondering 'cause you look at my brother the way I do with Jess. I won't say anything to him, I swear. I just wanted to know. He has a look about him too when he sees you, I've never seen that on him before."

"So, you know Dean is bi?"

"Yeah, I've known for a while. Bobby does too. But don't think I didn't notice you changed the topic."

Castiel started twiddling his thumbs and couldn't restrain from tapping his foot, "baby steps Sam. Right now, I just hope I get to be his boyfriend if I play my cards right and don't fuck this up. We will go from there I suppose."

"Still didn't answer my question" Sam rolled his eyes, "but I guess I will take that for now. I really hope it works out, Cas. The last time I've seen him smile like that was when our mom was still around. He hasn't really been the same since, not until now."

Before Castiel could answer, dean popped back in all smiles. "Yes! We are gonna have ourselves some pizza. Cas, can you stay for a little while longer?"

"I don't want to intrude."

"So you're staying. Great, I'll go grab some now. Come get it with me, I'll even let you ride shot gun in the impala."

"Hey" Sam yelled, "it took me years for you to finally let me ride shot gun, and now he is here for two days and gets to without even asking?!"

"Pretty much, c'mon Cas."

Sam mumbled a few particular curse words before dragging his feet back up to the stairs to where Castiel assumed his room was at. Dean put on his leather coat and grabbed his keys from the coat rack, and then they both made their way to the car.

This may have been the most beautiful and sexy car Castiel has ever seen. Dean must clean this car ever second he gets, and the engine sounds just as smooth. Around the mirror hung a little angel on a chain. Castiel reached out and held it between his fingers. "Before my mom would tuck me into bed, she would say angels are watching over me every night. I never really understood why, she always had a huge thing for angels for some reason. But it always stuck with me. Wanna see her?"

Dean opened the glove compartment and pulled out an old photo. It was a beautiful young, blonde, slender woman. Beside he was a tiny boy with blonde hair, about six years olds. And in her hands was a baby, which he assumed was Sam. Dean smiled as wide as his face would allow him; he was missing his two front teeth. "She's beautiful, Dean. She really is."

Dean stared at it for a long minute before putting the picture back in its home, "yeah, she really was." Dean put the car in ignition and backed out of the driveway. Castiel inched his hand over until it was right on top of Dean's . He didn't look over at Castiel, but he could see him smile from the corner of his eye. I wonder how long since he's smiled like that Castiel thought, I hope it can stay there for at least a little longer .


	5. Chapter 5

"DEAN" Sam stormed down the stairs the second he and Castiel entered the house. He stopped on the very last step so he was eye level with his older brother. Dean placed his keys with the others on the wall and hung his coat on the coat rack and he grabbed Castiel's trench coat and did the same for him.

"What's up Sammy? Were we interrupting" he leans in closer and whispers, but still loud enough for Castiel to hear, "your special alone time? Because if you need another solid five minutes, Cas and I won't mind waiting outside."

Sam punched his brother in the arm while he and Castiel laughed. "Jerk."

"Bitch."

"WOULD YOU LET ME TALK? THANKS."

"Spit it out already then! Geez Sammy, it ain't that hard."

Sam ignored Dean's last comment as he rolled his eyes and exaggerated a loud sigh. "Can Jess come over for dinner tonight, please say yes" he spoke so fast, you could barely make out what the question was. Sam was red in the face; he looked like he was seconds away from exploding.

"I don't care, why ya asking me? Do whatever you want man, I'm guessing my advice worked" Dean asked while he winked.

"Yeah, it did. And the only reason I'm asking is because Bobby won't be here tonight because he has to work an extra shift at the mechanics, Rufus called out sick. I wasn't sure if you had any plans today. Bobby said no unless you were at least here to keep an eye on us."

"Sure, I'm cool with that, I'll even do a little barbecue. You know I can make some pretty delicious ribs if I do say so myself. I'll go get everything ready now. Let her know she can swing by around six."

"Thanks, Dean! You're the best! I'll go call her right now" Sam shouted as he dashed back up the stairs and slammed the door behind him to his room.

Dean turned to Castiel, "can you stay? There's plenty for all of us."

"I would love to, thanks." Dean smiled and his were always infectious, they always found a way to paint one on Castiel's lips too. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this a double date? Because it sounds a lot like one."

Dean took a step closer to Castiel and lightly hooked one of his fingers with his "yeah. Yeah it is. Here, let me make it more formal." He coughed to clear his throat and looked straight into Castiel's eyes, "Cas, would you like to go on a date with me while my little brother has his own tonight?"

Castiel let go of Dean's finger so he could intertwine their hands together instead, pulling him in close to kiss him, "I thought you'd never ask."

"You don't mind our first date being a double one with Sammy? Because we can always just-"

"Dean, shut up. I love Sam and I'm actually really glad. It's going to be so much fun. And hey, I didn't even know you knew how to use a grill. You better be as good as you claim to be."

"Oh I am, trust me" he wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulder and guided him over to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started handing him different kind of meats to prepare for tonight, "and you're gonna love it. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll cook for you more often."

"I'm not too shabby too, thank you very much. I'm not a huge cook, but I am a pretty mean baker myself. Why don't I start off simple tonight and bake some old fashion chocolate chip cookies so we can snack on them after dinner?"

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek, "that'd be great." He looked over at the clock on the oven, "shit it's already five. Jess is gonna be over soon. We better start cooking and everything now."

"Sounds like a plan."

****  
"And that's it. Sam literally ran into me in the hall and sent us both flying backwards. That's pretty much how I met him" Jess reached over for Sam's hand on the table, and he tightly gripped her hands in his, "and I don't regret it for a second. He had me ever since, and I'm really glad he finally asked me out. To be honest, I thought he never would and I would have to be the one to do it."

"That's Sammy for you. He's always been a shy kinda guy, even as a kid." Dean winked at Sam, and Sam's cheeks brightened up with some color, "This one's a keeper, don't go screwing it up."

Sam kept his attention at Jess and smiled "I won't, I promise."

"So," Jess started up again, "what about you two" she pointed at Castiel and Dean.

"What about us" Castiel asked.

"Are you two-"

"Boyfriends?" Dean interrupted. "Yeah, yeah we are."

Castiel almost broke his neck from how fast he snapped it to look at Dean. Dean could feel Castiel starring; he grabbed his hand and coiled their fingers together "boyfriends?"

Dean squeezed his hand, "boyfriends."

Castiel thought his face would permanently be stuck in a smile, he can't remember the last time he was ever that happy. He had to force himself to look away from Dean. He almost forgot about the other two. Sam was smirking while Jess was squealing. "You two are the cutest!"

"Hey" Sam shouted, "second cutest! Right behind us of course!"

"Sammy" Dean jumped in, "ladies are always right. The sooner you learn that, the better."

After another half hour they brought the dishes into the kitchen sink and sat on the table while Castiel helped Dean with all of the dishes. Dean opened the fridge and pulled out a batch of cookies. He laid it on the center of the table and was the first to pick one up and take a bite. "Cas, this may be the best cookie I have ever eaten" Sam and Jess enthusiastically nodded in agreement while they munched on theirs. "Sweet baby Jesus, that's good. It's official; you're not allowed to come over unless you bring some baked goods."

"I told you I wasn't kidding. You're barbecue was even better than you led on, too."

"I think," Sam said between bites, "Dean from now on needs to cook, always, and Cas is from now on always baking. Now, it's official."

"I agree" Jess chipped in.

"Who is up for a movie" Dean asked and everyone answered yes. "Good. How about Drag Me To Hell? Great, because that's what I'm putting on."

***  
Dean shut off the TV and turned all the lights back on. "Man, can you imagine being dragged down to hell and tortured day in and day out? I don't wanna think of how fucked up I'd be after that. It's scary to picture it, being turned into something you're not. Like you're some kind of monster."

"I'd save you" Castiel felt a twinge of pain thinking about Dean being tortured, turned into something he's not. Screaming for help for eternity where no one could hear him. He wondered whose name he would call for help, probably only Sam or Bobby.

"So, you'd grip me tight and raise me from perdition" Dean tried to play it off as a joke but quickly stopped when he noticed how serious Castiel was.

"Yes, in a heartbeat, I wouldn't even have to think twice. I would jump into the pit for you."

There was a long pause before Dean continued, "then it's nice to know an angel is watching over me."


	6. Chapter 6

"So, what do you want to do?" Cas stroked the back of Dean's head. He knew what he wanted, but he would understand if Dean decided against it. Yet, he still felt a huge knot in his stomach while he patiently waited for him to answer.

Dean reached for Castiel's hand and stopped him from moving, "Cas, I ain't embarrassed of you. I need you to know that. I need you to be 150% sure of that and believe me when I say it."

"I do believe you, I just know how fucked up some of the people are in school. I don't want anyone starting shit with you because of me."

"Hey," Dean grabbed both of Castiel's hands and squeezed them tight. "You're my boyfriend, okay? And I'm going to say hi when I see you in the halls, I'm going to eat lunch with you, and I sure as hell am going to hold hands if I damn well want to. And of anyone has a problem they can either close their eyes or fucking leave. If other couples can basically shove their tongue down their boyfriend or girlfriends throats and basically have sex in the halls, then we can fucking hold hands. We've been together for two months, we are official, I want to show you off now. Only reason I haven't sooner was because you were so adamant about not doing it."

Finally, Castiel smiled and nodded in agreement. But a part of him still was nervous about walking out the Impala, hand in hand, and entering the school like that for the first time. Dean could sense his bubbling tension, so he leaned in to softly kiss him. Gingerly, he brushed his thumbs along the edge of Castiel's jaw, enticing the kiss a little further until he pulled away. They locked eyes for a little longer until Castiel spoke up again, "you're amazing, you know that?"

Lazily, Dean planted a few more quick kisses on his neck, "yeah, I kind of am aren't I?"

Castiel rolled his eyes "modesty looks so good on you, Dean."

"And sarcasm looks sexy on you, Cas" he chuckled in between kisses until he suddenly yanked back and slapped his hands over his face, "shit!"

"What's wrong, Dean?"

"I forgot I have to stay after with Mrs. Murphy because I failed my last History exam. But I promised Sammy I would take him to the mall right after school; he wanted to pick something up to get for Jess."

Without hesitation, Castiel said "I'll take him."

"Cas, you don't gotta do that."

"Seriously, I want to. I love Sammy, the kid is great. I really wouldn't mind taking him. Can I borrow the car? Since you drove me in and I don't have mine? We will go while you're in extra help and by the time we come back you should be done."

"I don't know, Cas... This car is my baby."

"I thought I was?" Castiel pouted and gave Dean the puppy-dog look. Granted, his wasn't as good as Sam's but it was pretty damn close.

"You are, but she is my baby." Dean let out a long sigh as he dug the keys out from his pocket and dangled it from Castiel's hand. Castiel raised his hand to grab for it but Dean moved out of reach, "one scratch, Cas, and I may just have to kill you."

He put his right hand over his heart "I won't, I swear. Your baby is safe with me, Dean."

After another delayed second, Dean finally dropped the keys into his hands. Castiel clipped them through his belt hoop for extra precaution before he shoved the keys into his front pocket. "Alright, I think we should head in now," Dean said, "so we can have time to go to our lockers before heading to class. C'mon, Cas."

They hopped out the Impala and stood in front of the car. Dean held out his hand, and Cas slowly reached out and held it. He was so happy that he didn't have to hide this anymore, and all his worries seemed to melt away. They walked through the halls and like he expected, people starred and the judgmental looks were worse than he thought. But Dean intertwined their fingers and held on to him tighter, and continued to smile as they made their way through the crowd.

Castiel couldn't ignore the loud whispers around them and he was more than sure Dean heard them too, but neither seemed to be phased, and Castiel was never happier.

"We'll what do ya know?" A hand found its way on Dean's shoulder.

Dean and Castiel turned around to see who it belonged to, and it was Benny. "Can't say I'm surprised, Dean."

"Damn, what's the world coming to if I'm not even shock worthy anymore?"

Benny laughed and patted the both of them on the back, "I never said it was a bad thing. It looks good on you, brotha. Good to see you smilin' like that. Haven't seen it in a while" Benny pointed to the two of them while he began wandering off in the other direction "you two take care."

The rest of the day seemed to fly by and as the periods went on, the less looks Dean and Castiel seemed to get. It was the end of the day and like Castiel promised, he took Sam to the mall and now they're on their way to pick up Dean. Sam talked almost none stop the entire time, Castiel barely got a handful of words out. But he was more than okay with it and smiled the whole time, he loved listening to Sam talk, especially when it was about Jess. His face lit up and if you'd let him he would probably go on about her for hours. He started thinking back at the barbecue, when Sam told Castiel he was in love with Jess. At this point, there was no denying it. I hope they do last. Good for Sam, good for him.

Sam bought her a glass rose along with two real ones. He also wrote a letter and in it, said he would do anything and everything for her and never lose feelings for her until the very last petal of the three flowers fell. They reached the school parking lot and Castiel stopped Sam before they left the car to go find, Dean. "Hey, can you wait here for one more second?"

"Yeah sure, what's wrong Cas?"

He never answered his question but instead, pulled something out from his back pack and gave it to him. Sam read it out loud, "Urban Legends and Mythologies"

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck as a nervous flinch, "yeah I was in the book store the other day and saw it, it reminded me of you so I bought it. I hope that was okay. I had a feeling you might be until things like this."

To his surprise, Sam leaped into his arms and hugged Castiel tight, and he returned the gesture. "Thanks, Cas. I love it, and..." he stopped mid-sentence and Castiel could feel a single tear roll down Sam's cheek.

Castiel just squeezed him harder, "hey, kiddo. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm really sorry, I just thought of you is all."

"No, that's not it. You didn't make me upset, Cas it's just," Sam distanced himself arm length enough to have a good look at him. Castiel wiped his few droplets of tears with the back of his hand, "it's just you make Dean so happy. I haven't seen him like that in years Cas, years. And you make me happy and I love you too, okay? Never change. Please don't ever change, or leave. We need you."

Castiel yanked Sam in for another hug and held him for all it was worth, "I don't want to ever go either, Sam. And-"

"Hey!" Dean slammed his hand against the window of the passenger seats side. Both Sam and Castiel jumped from the sudden intrusion, and Sam quickly rolled down the window, "good to know you two forgot about me because you were having a lovey dovey hug fest. Sam, get to the back. And Cas, get the hell out of my side and move over. Daddy missed his baby and now it's his turn to drive."

They quickly shifted over to their spots as Dean put the car in ignition, "hey Cas, you doin' anything today?"

"Not that I can think of, no. Why?"

"Wanna come over? I gotta show you something that I've been working on."

"Yeah sure, I'm good with that. What do you have to show me, Dean? Now I'm curious."

"Nope, it's a surprise."

***  
"Alright, Sammy. Cas and I are going to my room for a bit. But Bobby should be here in like, less than 30 minutes. So don't come bargaining in unless it's important, like you dying."

"Fine, jerk."

"Good, bitch."

All three parted on their own ways. Sam went to his room, as Cas followed Dean into his. Dean shuffled through his closet while Castiel sat down at the edge of his bed. Dean pulled out a guitar, and Castiel squinted his eyes as he tilted his head to the side "you play the guitar? I didn't know you could play."

"Yeah, pretty good at it too. And I sing a bit. Now Cas don't interrupt or anything, okay? Because the only person I've ever really played or sang in front of was Sammy. I would always do it to put him to sleep when he was younger. He always had a hard time sleeping on his own after our mom died, so I would play and sing 'Carry on My Wayward Son' if you know it. "

"Yeah I know it, I love that song. Sorry, I won't talk again, keep going."

"I ah... wrote you a song. So here we go."

Someone's always coming around here, trailing some new kill  
Says I've seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill  
And what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill  
So glad to meet you  
Angeles  
Picking up the ticket shows, there's money to be made  
Go on and lose the gamble, that's the history of the trade  
And you add up all the cards left to play to zero  
And sign up with evil  
Angeles  
Don't start me trying now  
'Cos I'm all over it  
Angeles  
I could make you satisfied in everything you do  
All your secret wishes could right now be coming true  
And be forever with my poison arms around you  
No one's gonna fool around with us  
No one's gonna fool around with us  
So glad to meet you  
Angeles

Castiel hung onto every word like it was the last thing he'd ever do. The words were so beautiful, the way he played the guitar was beautiful, the way he sang was beautiful, Dean, was beautiful. Castiel moved to the other end of the bed and laid down, asking Dean to lie next to him and sing the song again. And again. And again.

"As much as I'm thrilled that you loved the song, I think I have to stop . The strings are killing my fingers now."

"But Dean," Cas whinnied as his hands crept to Dean's chest, lightly drawing circles on him.

Dean's hand rested on Castiel's hip and dragged him closer so he could kiss the tip of his nose, "tomorrow I promise, Cas. You know what?"

"What?" Castiel hummed, nudging his head under Dean's chin.

"I think I understand now."

"Understand what?"

"What my mom used to tell me all the time, right before tucking me into bed. She'd always say "Dean, angels are watching over you" and I always brushed it off, ya know? But she was right. You're my angel, Cas."

"I'm no angel, Dean. Aside from you, I always find a way to fuck things up. It's like I'm cursed."

"Cursed or not, I'd rather have you."

"Dean, I l-" Dean lips got to Castiel before he let him finish. This kiss was slow, tender, but still full of passion. Dean's are usually more rushed and needy, but not this time. And Castiel couldn't get enough of it, he pressed against Dean harder, and Dean leaned in as much as he could.

Before things got more heated, Dean's cell phone went off. They both groaned from the loss of contact and heat. "Hello?" Dean's eyes stilled. He rolled off from Castiel and sat at the edge of the bed, head in his hand, "what?... Are you sure? Okay... Okay... Bye."

Castiel sat right next to him, rubbing his back "Dean... What's wrong?"

"Bobby, he got into a car accident. A bad one... They said he's unresponsive."

He didn't know what to say, what could he? So he wrapped his arms around him, but Dean shoved him off. "Cas, you need to leave."

"What?! I'm not leaving you alone Dean and I won't let you drive to the hospital. Not while you're like this. Give me the keys and I'll-"

"Leave. Now."


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel fumbled backwards and gripped the night stand behind him, where is this coming from? He and Dean were just fine two seconds ago before the phone call. Is it his fault somehow that Bobby is in the hospital? "What?!"

"What's so confusing about getting the fuck out? I think it's self-explanatory."

He took a step forward to try and reach for Dean, but he stepped back. They danced this strange, heartless tango. His face flaring with hate an anger, but what Castiel didn't understand was why it was all directed to him. "Dean I'm so sorry about Bobby, I am. And you know that I am, but why are you flipping out on me like this? Do I have something to do with it?"

Dean fisted both of his hands tight and clenched his jaw as he hissed "no."

"Then why the fuck are you treating me like I'm the problem? Let me help you, let me help Sam, let me help Bobby. Just let me help! I'll do anything and everything I can, just let me Dean."

It all happened so fast. Dean swiped at the lamp right in his reach and it was inches away from hitting Castiel. And he wasn't sure if Dean just had lousy aim, or slammed it enough to scare him off. If that was his intentions then he's going to have to try a lot harder than that. "I don't need or want you're fucking help, Cas! I don't know why you can't get that through your head!"

"Because I love you, Dean! I love you and I'm not fucking leaving you when the most important person in your life aside from Sam is in a hospital bed and dying! I know you're not okay, let me be the one thing that is right now!" All the words rushed out of his mouth even blurring the last few words together and then it hit him, what he had said. He meant every word, but he didn't mean to finally tell Dean he loves him. Not now. He laid it all out, his heart on his sleeves. And it was all at the worst possible time.

He watched Dean's every move. He unclenched his fists and loosened the grip on his jaw as his head sunk. Castiel could hear his heart beating in his ears; everything seemed to be moving so slow. "Take your shit," Dean whispered, "and leave, Cas. Now."

And then his heart dropped and shattered on the floor. Castiel expected something like that, given the fact that the man Dean looks to as a father is dying and now he decides of all times is a good one to open up to Dean. Leaving his heart on his sleeves the way he did. That didn't change the fact that he feels like he had been punched and stabbed in the stomach. He wasn't expecting Dean to say it back, but at least acknowledge it. So when he still told him to grab his shit and go, he didn't argue it. He didn't question it. He did just that and left.

***  
It's been a week and Castiel still hasn't seen Dean or heard from him. Not even a single text about how Bobby is doing. He hasn't been in school this entire time, Sam either. So he couldn't help but think that the worst has happened. And it kills him inside because he loves Bobby, too. Bobby welcomed him into his home and treated him the way he did Sam and Dean, it's not fair that he just met him and his time was already up. And it's not fair that Sam and Dean have to deal with another loved ones death, alone. Maybe he didn't die and he's just pretty banged up if anything. Yeah, of course that's it. Bobby's strong. Bobby's safe.

That didn't stop Castiel from moping around in his room for the rest of his Friday night. He must have typed a 100 different texts for Dean, and deleted each one instead of sending them. Castiel also wanted to text, Sam. Not for another way to sneak a hold of Dean, but because he was genuinely concerned and missed him, too.

After another groan, he rolled over onto his stomach and stuffed his face into his pillow. It's only six o'clock but already feels drained enough to knock out for the rest of the night. The only reason he hasn't yet is because even in his dreams, he's in Bobby's house with him, Sam, and Dean. And it he wakes up more upset then he was the night before he fell asleep, it's a vicious cycle. A knock came from his door and Castiel could hear the door knob turn and whoever it was enter before he welcomed them in. Only one person does that, "hi Anna" Castiel muffled through the pillow.

The edge of the bed sank in a bit when she sat down right next to him, "hey. How are things going?"

"They're going."

He didn't have to be facing her to know she's rolling her eyes, "you know what I mean. Have you spoken to him at all yet?"

Anna kept nudging him with her elbow until Castiel finally flipped over so she could see him. He shifted a few inches so Anna had enough space to lie down next to him, and she did. She rested her head on Castiel's chest, his chin on top of her head, "no, I haven't talked to any of them since he kicked me out of the house. I want to so bad though, but I don't want to over step anything. When they're ready, one of them will call or at least text me first and give me the okay. Plus, I really fucked up when I told Dean I love him. That might have really thrown him off, too."

"Well did you mean it?"

Castiel scrunched up his eyebrows, "of course I do. I love Dean and I always have, you know that. But I shouldn't have let that slip, not while we just found out Bobby was put in the hospital. Right place but the wrong time." With his free hand he was able to reach for a pillow that was on the ground and covered his face again, followed with another groan. "Why do I always manage to screw up the one thing I ever have going for me, Anna. What if I scared him off? Maybe that 'I love you' made him feel like we were moving too fast and the whole thing with Bobby was just too much?"

Anna stretched her arm around his waist and held him tight, and Castiel covered her arm with his. Whenever he would get upset when they were kids, Anna would always do this to try and comfort him but this time it's not working. "Don't do that to yourself, Cas. Yes, it wasn't the most appropriate time to maybe say that, but what's done is done. You gave Dean a lot of time, enough to sort out most of the stuff. Just go over there and at least check up on them for a second. That's it, and if he says leave then you do that. But at least show you didn't up and forget about them. If not for Dean then do it at least for Sam."

She was right, and he knew that. After a few more minutes of contemplating everything over, Castiel gently signaled Anna with a tap to get up as he slung his feet over the bed and got up. "I'll call you when I'm on my way back, to let you know how everything went."

She smiled, "go get'em."

***  
Castiel knocked on the door and was a little disappointed when Sam was the one to greet him at the other end. His hair was ruffled in a complete mess, and everything else about him looked it too. "Cas?"

He gave him a small smile, "Hey, Sam."

Sam clumsily launched himself at Castiel to give him a hug " s'good to see you, man. S'good to see you. You- you shoulda came here a lot sooner. Coulda used ya. Dean coulda used ya too."

"Are you drunk, Sam?"

"He still could use ya if you ask me." Oh yeah, he's drunk. Sam let him into the house and Castiel locked the door behind him and helped him over to the couch so Sam could lie down. "But no one asks me what I think. Guess'm just stupid like that."

"Sam, what -"

"Told Dean to call you, I did I swear. But all he did was say 'Sammy shut up, and don't chu call'm either.' I'm so sorry I did t call, Cas. I really wanted to. S'glad you're here now."

"No, it's a good thing you didn't Sam. It's okay, I'm not mad. How's Bobby? Where's Dean?"

"Bobby" Sam managed to sit and straighten himself up. He cupped his face and cried. Castiel sat down right next to him and held him, "Bobby's dead, Cas. Died last night. He was banged up real bad in a car accident and he was too far gone to be saved."

"I'm so sorry, Sam. God I'm so sorry." Castiel wrapped his arms tighter around Sam and let him sob into his shoulder while he rubbed his back in attempts to soothe him. It only made Sam cry harder.

Sam pulled himself together as much as he could, drying his face with his T-Shirt. "Me too, but you should check on, Dean. He's worst then I am. He's in his room, it's not locked."

"Okay, okay I will. But for right now," Castiel gently laid him back down. He found a blanket and draped it over him, "I need you to go to sleep and get some rest. Tomorrow we are gonna talk about how you're only 13 and you're way too young to even think about touching anything alcoholic."

"Dean does it when he's sad, why can't I?"

"Dean shouldn't be either, but that's beside the point. We'll talk about this some other time. Good night, Sam."

"Good night. And Cas?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Thanks."  
"For what?"  
"Just-" Sam rolled over to his side and snuggled up closer to the pillow and nestled further into his blanket, "just thanks."

Castiel gave Sam one last look before quietly made his way up the stairs and took a few deep breaths before walking into the room. Dean was sitting at the edge of his bed, face leaning into his hands. Slowly, he looked up to see who was at the door. His eyes were swollen and red, a few strands of tears still spilling down his face.

"Just talked to, Sam." Castiel waited for him to say something, so when he didn't he continued, "you should have called. Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't need to."

"Dean, I'm not here to argue or fight with you. I've been worried sick and I couldn't wait for you to decide when it was finally okay for us to talk. I'm sorry, for everything. Really. What are you and Sam gonna do?"  
There was a long pause and Castiel could hear the hitch in Dean's voice, and the ache in his heart that it gave him to hear him like that. And see how he is on the brink of tears again, the ring of water forming around his eyes. "Gonna take care of, Sammy."

"Who are you guys going to stay with?"

"No one. We are gonna stay here and that'll be perfectly find for the both of us."

"Dean, you need someone of age to look after you. You can't because if someone finds out that you two are living by yourselves you both can get into a lot of trouble."

"I turn 18 next week; I'll be old enough to be responsible for the both of us. We will be fine. I'm gonna take care of Sammy, not like I haven't been anyway."

Dean walked over to his bed at sat along the edge, so Castiel took a seat on his chair. Neither spoke again for a while, and neither looked at the other either. Castiel starred longingly at the bed, remembering the last night they shared on it. The guitar, the song, Dean. It took everything he had to keep everything together. Not for him, but for Dean. Because right now dean needed him so he wasn't going to fuck it up by getting emotional. He has to be strong for Dean. Finally, Castiel picked up the conversation again, "alright. I mean that works for now, but what about until college? What are you and Sam going to do then?"

Dean's bottom lip began to quiver and no matter how hard he tried to hold it together, he couldn't. A few droplets rolled down his cheeks as he tried to wipe them off as quickly as they fell. Castiel wanted nothing more than to run over and hold him and erase all the pain away, but it wouldn't matter because Dean was too prideful. He would just shove him away. So he stayed in his place. "I'm ahh... I'm not gonna go. I can't. Someone's gotta watch and take care of Sammy and I'm the only one who can do that now. I'll get some job around town, two if I can, and that'll help pay the bills and start saving up now for him and his college."

"What?!" Castiel shouted as he shot up from the chair. "You can't do that, Dean! Are you crazy? You can't give up your scholar ship and let all your hard work fly right out the fucking window! You can't!"

Dean stood up and was inches away from Castiel, his hands flying around as he yells right back at him. Both of the stand their ground, "yeah, and what else am I supposed to fucking do, Cas? Huh? You tell me! I go to college and I won't be around enough for him and won't even have enough money for one of us, let alone both of us, and then someone will definitely take him away for sure and then what am I going to do? I can't lose Sammy too, I can't! And I won't. "

"And I don't want you to either, Dean! And you know what; I don't want to lose either of you too! I'll help you. Let me move in with you guys as soon as we graduate high school. We can work our college schedules out to where we can at least make sure one of us will be home for when Sam gets here and both of us will get a job. You told me before this house is already paid off so paying for everything else shouldn't be so bad, Dean. We can make this work; you just have to let me help. Please!"

"Cas, no. I won't take your pity and I damn well won't fucking let you throw away everything either!"

"It's not pity if it's something I want to do! Why won't you let me?"

Dean is pacing the room back and forth as he knocks down everything in his arms reach, "because I can't be with you anymore! I can't and I won't because everyone I love gets fucked in the end! And I don't want you drowning with me just because I'm too fucking heavy to float, Cas! What if one month, or two or a year down the line you regret it? And you end up hating me? Or something goes wrong and it's my fault? What am I going to do then?! No, no you can't be here anymore. I'm not worth you getting hurt or fucking up your future Cas, I'm not."

A second later Dean is huddled on the floor as he pulls at his hair, crying. He's sobbing as he repeatedly says he's sorry and that he couldn't do that to him anymore. Castiel drops to his knees and cups dean's face and raises it so he can look at him. But dean won't. Castiel leans in and kisses. And does again and again." Dean I love you. I love you . You're worth everything and I want to give you everything. It's okay that you're broken, I'm broken too. We can fix each other. I want to move in; I want to help with Sammy. I want to help you. Not because I pity you, but because I love you. Please see that dean, I'm begging you."

Dean scans Castiel's eyes in attempt to see any fault or lies in what he just said. This time he's the one to lean in and kiss him, "say it again."

"Say what again?"

In between kisses he answers, "say that you love me. Say it, please Cas. I need to hear you say it."

"I love you."

Dean pulls his head in closer as he deepens the kiss, "again."

"I love you."

"I could listen to you say that all day."

"I will if that's what it takes for you to believe me. I love you, Dean."

A hand reaches Castiel's chest and pushes them apart. Castiel cocks his head to the side as he squints at Dean in confusion. "Did you really mean what you said before? About moving in and all of that? You really want that, or were you just saying that?"

"I really want that Dean, more than anything. If you would let me, I would love to."

"Okay, because I really want you to, too. But only if it won't affect you and your classes if we do this."

"I won't, I swear." Castiel sits beside Dean and rests his head on Deans shoulder, and Dean rests his head on top of his. Castiel reached forward for his hand, and dean squeezed tight, "I love you, you know that. Right, Cas?"

"Yeah, I know that Dean."

Dean kisses the top of Castiel's forehead, "I guess we have some news to tell Sammy in the morning. Stay? I don't sleep well at night."

"Okay, I will. And yeah we do how about we tell him over breakfast? I'll make pancakes."

"Perfect." They spent the rest of the night nestled together in Dean's bed while he played the guitar and sang. Castiel fell asleep in his arms while he sang his song just for him. There's no doubt in his mind that he made the right choice. He'll be counting down the days until he can move in.

End.


End file.
